MAN of Impact

Living with purpose and significance, empowered by God

                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                May 2022

I was “zooming” with Dan, a man in California with whom I’ve been talking through some life-coaching materials called Man of Impact, when the topic of his son came up again. Dan is 73 and Jordan is 41, and their father-son relationship has been a steady topic of conversation during our weekly zoom meetings. Man of Impact is designed to help men discover (or recover) the unique ways in which God has created them to express his likeness. Dan and Jordan’s relationship is a case of father and son being entirely unlike each other. In fact, they’ve struggled for years to even like each other. But Dan says our sessions have been helping him to make a healthy connection with his son.

He traces his troubles with Jordan to his own fatherless upbringing. Dan didn’t know how to be a dad because he never had one. And without realizing it, he dragged a lot of anger into fatherhood. When they were kids, he went easier on his daughter, but he was always sharply critical of Jordan. And so, Jordan avoided him. Dan, a commercial electrician, was frequently out-of-town, so it was easy for them to steer clear of each other. The rift between them widened when Jordan grew into manhood. He followed his father’s footsteps as an electrician. But they seldom spoke, and when Dan did speak to him, even offering him professional advice, Jordan “heard” only criticism, and he erupted in anger. In this way, father and son were now alike.

But Dan’s life took a turn five years ago when he started reading through the Bible each year. “God has been changing me in many ways as His word has gotten through to me,” he explains. “I’ve really grasped His forgiveness for me through Jesus Christ, and He helped me to get a grip on my anger, which my wife had been trying to tell me about all along.”

When Dan and I started zooming through Man of Impact a couple of months ago, he identified “family” as one of his core values. When we plotted out our “life maps,” he recognized that he needed to do some intentional work in this area. So, he went to work on it. He and his wife asked Jordan, a skilled gardener, to help them plant and grow a backyard garden. Finally, they were doing something together. Dan also wrote cards to Jordan, telling him things he’d never said before, such as why he is proud of him. But Jordan didn’t respond. Dan asked him why not and Jordan replied, “Why won’t you tell me these things to my face, or at least by phone?”

“That question jolted me,” Dan said. “Until then, he’d heard only criticism coming from me. But he needs to hear me saying how proud I am to be his dad. So, that’s what I’ve been telling him.”

Jordan had been planning a weeklong hike from San Francisco to Nevada. He asked his dad to come and pick him up the end of the trail. “This is really big,” Dan told me. “Jordan hadn’t ever invited me into his life. His hike is a personal mission. He’s very private person and he is seeking answers to life. God has been softening my heart, and I can see that He is softening his heart too.

“I have only so much time left on this earth, and I am thankful that God has given me another chance to connect with my son while I’m still here. As an electrician, I know how to repair a broken electrical circuit by placing a ‘jumper’ wire around the break. This is like forgiveness. God has placed jumper wires in the broken parts of my life, and now, by asking Jordan to forgive me, I’m placing jumpers around the broken places in our relationship.”

Dan and Jordan’s story is repeated a million times every day. The father-son, or father-daughter, relationship is crucial, and it’s one of Satan’s prime targets. He knows if he can break the relationship between a dad and his kids, he’ll cause a rift that could disrupt a family for generations. I see and hear hints of this scheme every time I talk with a young man at Portland State, or elsewhere.

Park Block Evangelism at PSU

I recently spoke with Jamaal, a running back on the PSU football team. He hails from a family of outstanding athletes. Both his brother and an uncle played in the NFL. He didn’t mention his father. That’s because he isn’t anywhere in sight. Jamaal, a brawny fullback, told me he is fast for his size. With his brute strength, he can simply run over people. He’s a short yardage back, meaning he’s the man the coach puts in the game when it’s third down and two yards to go. But even as big as he is, Jamaal’s body has taken a beating. He’s been sidelined for the past year with a nagging ankle injury. The pro scouts have stopped looking his way. And it doesn’t look like his future is in football.

Jamaal is intelligent and articulate. I asked him what he hopes to do for a career if football’s no longer an option. He said he’s always put more stock in his academic potential than in his athletic prowess. Football has just been a means for him to get to where he wants to go. He wants to teach, helping kids to reach their full potential in life.

“Jamaal,” I said, “you want to bless kids with the gifts that God has given you. Has anyone ever blessed you?” He said he didn’t think so. I asked if I could have the privilege. He gladly consented.

I thanked God for giving Jamaal a mind and heart and body that is very big. And I thanked God for His big heart for Jamaal. He needed to go to class, so I handed him a gospel story I wrote. He thanked me and said he hopes to see me again. Please pray that the next time I see Jamaal, he’ll be ready to hear how God has blessed him and the whole world through Jesus.